SheMail No 5

Hiiiii Divas and Hustlers

I’m writing this newsletter while feeling a little emo, partially because I quit vaping again- yes, I’m aware I’m the problem. In case it isn’t obvious, I haven’t been taking my own advice and/or regulating my nervous system consistently over the last few weeks.

Truth be told, after getting my breast augmentation I’ve been struggling to get back into my routine. Things have been a little tight financially since catching up on bills, running out of all my makeup at once, and spending as much on hair as my first car- which was a 2003 Honda Civic named Rebecca if you’re curious.

In order to compensate I opted out of my Classpass membership, started working out less and next thing I know its been a month since I’ve cooked my own food, I’m drinking too much, and I’m asking to hit my coworkers vape at work- how embarrassing.

I have to remind myself that I am only one person and that I am human- I think about how much easier my life would be if I didn’t have to sleep and I didn’t feel emotions but here I am trying to build a multi media movement for trans women, holding down a serving job, dealing with hate online, watching the world descend into chaos- oh and also somehow managing to look hot in the process.

So with that being said the theme of this newsletter is about showing up for yourself, stopping the guilt spiral, and taking steps forward (even if it’s a lil baby one) that is why I’m giving you this mini edition- which is just a tarot pull.

I have a feeling that’s most of you doll’s fave part of the newsletter anyways lmao- plz respond to this email and let me know <3

🔮 Energy of the Week Tarot Pull

Each week, I pull one card to tune into the underlying energy ahead. Tarot isn’t about predicting the future — it’s about checking in with your current timeline and gently steering your own ship.

The 6 of swords usually shows a family crossing still waters toward a new shore — a quiet, symbolic escape from pain. It’s about healing, transition, and mental clarity. But reversed? The journey’s stalled. Blocked. The water’s rough. And the weight of what you’re carrying might be too heavy to move forward with ease.

Represents:

• Resistance to change

• Emotional baggage

• Delayed healing

• Feeling stuck

• Unfinished business

We don’t always realize how tightly we’re holding on until we try to move and can’t. This reversal suggests that something still has a grip on you — a person, a version of yourself, someone’s approval, or maybe the life you thought you were supposed to have. Shit, maybe it’s all of the above. Life is hard sometimes.

The Six of Swords is a grief card. It speaks to leaving behind a bleak situation, even when the future is uncertain — even if all you have are the clothes on your back and the will to survive. When reversed, it asks: What are you still not ready to leave behind?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the quiet grief many of us carry — especially in this community. The grief of the imagined life. The one where being trans wasn’t politicized. Where building something like Cool Trans Girl didn’t feel like an act of defiance. That life? I thought it was mine. I’m realizing now... it never was.

Since January, grief has hit in waves. Maybe you’ve felt it too. The anxiety. The numbness. The heaviness in your chest. That’s grief. And we’re grieving in real time — not just our personal hopes, but our place in a world that feels increasingly hostile to our existence.

Transphobia isn’t lurking in the shadows anymore. It’s been rebranded as patriotism. As “protection.” As policy. And watching that happen — while trying to hold onto joy, to art, to hope — is a lot to carry.

The reversed Six of Swords reminds me:
We all build narratives to survive. Stories that help us make sense of pain, that soothe the ego, that let us stay put. But in order for us to move forward we have to step into the raw, unfair, uncomfortable truth of now.

And sometimes, reality feels like a bloodthirsty monster. You feed it your dreams, your illusions, your false hope — and pray it doesn’t take a piece of you with it.

But here’s what’s also true: Just because you’re moving forward doesn’t mean you’re not still grieving. It doesn’t mean you’re not still aching for something you lost along the way.

I invite you to examine the story you’re still carrying — and imagine what might be possible if you set it down. Picture your boat weighed down with rocks. Grief is picking one up and feeling its jagged edges. Acceptance is knowing that if you let it go, the journey becomes a little lighter.

So this week, try dropping one of those rocks into the river. Watch it disappear. And accept that you’ll probably have to do it again — and again — until one day, you arrive at the shore of your new life, carrying nothing but a single, softened pebble you’ve chosen to keep :)

In love and solidarity,
Xoxo

CTG Aria <3