SheMail No. 6

Hey Fiscal Angels

I’m currently writing this on payday while doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out how to pay all my bills, buy everything in my cart on Sephora, reinstate my Class Pass subscription, get my extensions moved up, mani pedi and oh also groceries (my least fave luxury commodity).

I also need to buy a whole new summer wardrobe because I threw out 90% of my clothes- more on that later. I regret to inform myself and all of you that the math simply isn’t mathing and I’m one missed paycheck away from posting an eros ad jk jk <3

I also feel like struggling as a big tittied blonde is DEFINITELY a recession indicator- maybe I’ll turn my bathwater into a bar of soap, respond if interested- SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY!

Anyways in the meantime I suppose I will postpone the Sephora trip, do my YouTube pilates, and wear the same 5 outfits. But enough about me and my financial struggles because we’re ALL going thru it- today is gonna be a super juicy newsletter so lets get into it.

🦢 In This Issue

1. Energy of The Week Tarot

2. Accidental Dopamine Detox

3. CTG of the Week

4. CTG State of the Union

5. Your Ebook- the Mindset Makeover

🔮 Energy of the Week Tarot Pull

Each week, I pull one card to tune into the underlying energy ahead. Tarot isn’t about predicting the future — it’s about checking in with your current timeline and gently steering your own ship.

The 9 of cups typically depicts a person sitting confidently with arms crossed, a satisfied smile on their face, and nine golden cups displayed proudly behind them in an arch. The imagery radiates emotional fulfillment, abundance, and contentment- like someone who has everything and knows it.

• Fulfillment

• Wishes Granted

• Gratitude

• Self-Esteem

The 9 of Cups is often called the “wish fulfillment” card but I’m not here to tell everyone “omg everything ur manifesting is right around the corner.” The 9 of cups really is about finding emotional fulfillment wherever you are- not once you’re where you think you should be.

So if you laugh with your girlfriends about the absolute absurdity of this current timeline we’re on- that’s a 9 of cups moment.

When you’re able to be proud of yourself for facing your fears as a trans person- whether that’s you finally admitting it to yourself, coming out to others, or just realizing how much you’ve overcome. That’s a 9 of cups moment.

It’s the quiet pride of knowing that despite you being knocked down, you’ve managed to get back tf up every single time.

The 9 of cups asks you to pause, reflect, and tap into a rooted version of you. Take a moment and ask- what parts of my life am I content with right now? How am I embodying a life I used to dream about having? Let that be enough for today.

In the meantime this week I implore you to…

1. Make a choice your future self will thank you for

2. Let yourself feel proud about something you’d normally brush off

3. Celebrate progress before it’s perfect

4. Create space that reflects your joy- not your struggle

The 9 of cups doesn’t promise everything will align, rather it says: you’re allowed to feel full, even in a world that tries to empty you :)

My Unintentional Dopamine Detox

The last week I’ve had a lot on my mind, more so than usual. My nervous system was fucking fried bc I had stopped taking care of myself and I justified it by saying it was my devotion to Cool Trans Girl.

I go through these cycles where anxiety, fear, and desperation are in the drivers seat of my mind. I start neglecting myself and I don’t even realize I’m not even grounded anymore- one of my best friend’s says its my biggest problem. I agree.

I get carried away in the pursuit of something intangible, in trying to control outcomes- meanwhile I neglect myself in the present moment. For some reason I’ve always equated suffering with success. I’m still not completely sure why

In the center of my moments of self abandonment and neglect for my health is my child self screaming for tenderness, for patience, and understanding.

And when I’m in these frenzied moments, instead of taking a moment to breathe I’ve come to self soothe in what feels easiest or closest- anything that results in a dopamine spike in the brain.

We live in an era of instant gratification, where scrolling aimlessly on Instagram has become trance like- in fact our addiction to social media lights up the same parts of our brains as gambling addicts.

It also doesn’t help these platforms are literally engineered to keep us looking at our screen, scrolling our lives away while waiting for something to make us laugh and when we do our brain is rewarded and the cycle continues.

But it’s not just social media- it’s nicotine, it’s alcohol, recreational drugs, sex, anything we use to escape reality even if it’s just a brief moment.

I for one have a tendency to reach for a martini, an edible, a vape, and other vices to escape feelings of overwhelm and loneliness, which I’m ashamed of but I think by naming it I feel less so.

Anyways that all came to a head about a week ago- coincidentally on the New Moon.

I hadn’t worked out in weeks, I relapsed in my nicotine addiction, and I stopped taking my Wellbutrin. Meanwhile I had a personal to-do list stacking up, appointments needed to be made, my apartment was a disaster, I stopped cooking for myself, my body was screaming for movement- I could not live like this anymore.

I cleaned my room top to bottom and threw out more clothes, I threw out the love letter, I cleaned the living room, the bathroom, the kitchen, it all had to go- I screamed in anguish, I cried, I grieved the part of me that had to die.

That night I went out, partied with some girlfriends a had a few martinis that were so dirty I had to schedule a screening at Planned Parenthood- I also got driven around in a sports car blasting Tate McRae so it’s safe to say I went out with a big baddie bang. The next day I threw out the vape and now I’ll be clean for a week.

I started doing yoga again, started spending less time on my phone, cooking more at home, and stopped trying to supplement my non existent sex life. And I did it because I wanted to, because all of a sudden those things I knew would just bring me more pain, more anxiety, and more shame.

So now I guess I’m dopamine detoxing but not intentionally, I just literally do not have space for them in the life I’m trying to create.

I’ve learned that shaming yourself for using crutches doesn’t heal a broken leg faster. But eventually you’ll grow tired of the crutches and you’ll be sick of “just getting by”.

One day you’ll wake up and go to physical therapy, you’ll challenge yourself to go on walks without them, you’ll honor your progress, and you’ll look forward to the day where you can run again.

But first you need to accept that you cannot run on crutches.

🎀 Cool Trans Girl of the Week

Meet CTG Samantha

About a month ago, I got a DM from CTG Samantha:
“If you ever want to talk to a trans vet about the military ban, let me know. My claim to fame is — I was and still am the only trans space officer to have served in the U.S. military.”

I’ve been sitting on this interview for weeks. And tonight, at 1am, I’m realizing why.

It’s not just the acronyms I had to Google. It’s the weight of what she lived through. The pressure of honoring a story that deserves to be front page of the New York Times. And, if I’m being honest, it’s the imposter syndrome too — telling me I’m not a “real” journalist, that I’m not qualified to write something this important.

But I keep reminding myself: “I can do hard things.” And “It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just honest.”

So here we go.

What does it mean to serve your country and serve the girls?
For Samantha, it meant rewriting military history — with a glitter pen ofc.

From 2013 to 2020, Samantha served as a Space Operations Officer in the U.S. Air Force. She racked up 1,440+ hours of crew time flying the Milstar/AEHF satellite constellation — one of the military’s most secure communications systems.

She held a “Top Secret/SCI” clearance, coordinated with every three-letter agency you can think of, and helped keep the country’s space-based defenses secure from ground, space, and even extraterrestrial threats.

In 2019, she transitioned while still on active duty — making her the first, only, highest-ranking, and most decorated openly trans woman space officer in U.S. military history. (Yes, all by default. Yes, also all legendary.)

Her final position was Chief of Mission Planning under USSPACECOM, where she oversaw communications continuity for two-thirds of the U.S. military’s satellite architecture.

She was tasked with writing briefings for Congress, fielding national-level security threats, and — on at least one occasion — was ordered by the President to make damn sure no one interfered with the space assets involved in a sensitive military strike.

Eventually, Samantha left active duty. She followed her partner across the country, began teaching high school math, and started building a quieter life. But being trans in America is rarely quiet for long.

Like all of us, she’s now watching in horror as our rights are being dismantled again. One of the most recent attacks? Executive Order 14183 — aka the Trans Military Ban 2.0.

You’ve probably heard about Trump’s previous ban. But this one goes even further.

This EO is actively targeting trans troops who haven’t outed themselves, forcing expulsions even for those months away from retirement. It’s not just the end of a career — it’s the loss of health care, housing, and community. As Samantha put it:

This is not just policy. It’s personal.
It’s lives, families, futures — being torn apart.

And I’ll be honest — I didn’t know how to write this. But Samantha reminded me why we have to.

Because someone out there is still in uniform, hiding who they are.
Because someone’s child is about to lose their home on base.
Because representation isn’t enough if we’re not fighting for protection, too.

Samantha didn’t just serve her country. She paved the way so other girls like us could dream bigger — even if it’s in a country that’s trying to erase us.

Let this be a reminder that trans joy, visibility, and resistance are all sacred.
And so is our rage.

If this pissed you off, good. Let it. Now do something with it. Support trans veterans. Write your reps. Speak up. And if you’re one of the girls in hiding — just know we’re fighting for you. You are not alone.

And Samantha? You’re a national treasure.
Cool Trans Girl forever. 🫡🌸

Samantha, what does being a Cool Trans Girl Mean to You?

Samantha is the kind of girl who can quote Plutarch, cosplay Sailor Moon, explain ancient war strategy, and still have you crying at 2am in a diner because she just gets it. She’s proof that we’re not these one dimensional creatures, we are an entire universe just like any other woman :)

🧠 Fun facts about CTG Samantha:

• Thinks pink is a primary color (and she’s right)

• Loves cosplay, WWII docs, and Greek philosophy (yes, really)

• Has visited 47 states, 26 national parks, and 17 countries

• Described by her spouse as equal parts 8-year-old girl and 80-year-old man — chaotic and wise

• Her bookshelf could crush you, and you’d thank her

She’s everything, everywhere, all at once — and she’s not just looking at the stars, she is one. 💫

Calling all CTG’s: DM or respond to this email with your favorite selfie and tell me about how you embody Cool Trans Girl in your life OR if you know a Cool Trans Girl I should feature? DM me their @

CTG State of the Union

As of now I’ve created a second instagram account- so what does that mean exactly and why did I do it? Well I wanted to be able to create more low lift content that felt less branded and more well… me.

Not that Cool Trans Girl isn’t a reflection of my inner world, I just always imagined it as something greater than myself, something greater than my current timeline or struggle.

So now I’m in an era where I want to polish, refine, and build CTG as a Media Startup for trans femmes- because that’s the direction I’ve always wanted to take it.

I don’t quite know how I will do that yet but I think a lot of it involves doing the best with what I have, trust that it is my higher calling and stepping outside of my comfort zone (which we all need to do in order to grow).

I have to remind myself that it will be messy before and that’s okay, I just need to show up and do the fucking thing and then it will all work out later.

These next few months I plan to expand the newsletter, build a new website, and start inviting contributors. It’s also my goal to pay Cool Trans Girls to contribute and build CTG into its own thriving ecosystem- in the meantime though if anyone is interested in contributing- please respond to this email with a mini pitch in the following categories.

1. Representation- Show us how you’re rewriting the narrative

2. Healing & Growth- Share your toolkit for surviving and thriving

3. Culture & Commentary- From Media Critiques to Baddie Manifestos

4. Community & Resistance- Write what the girls need to hear right now

5. Style & Identity- Beauty, fashion, aesthetics, gender, and how you express yourself

It doesn’t have to be long but girls you need to give me something to nibble on I do not have time to go back and forth.

Your Ebook- the Mindset Makeover

Also in case you girls resonated with my mental breakdown and your nervous system is currently in overdrive- try reading this little ebook I made on nervous system regulation. I wrote it when I was actually doing okay and wasn’t self sabotaging.

👇 Click below to download your free e-book: Mindset Makeover: A Nervous System Reset for Cool Trans Girls”

Okay divas, I hope you have a wonderful week ahead <3

With love, strength, and solidarity,

Xoxo CTG Aria